This is my entry for Blogadda‘s WOW prompt ‘ Flowers at the door’
.. I don’t really know how I feel.
For a long time I harped upon the comfort the illusion of having you around me brought in my life. Why wouldn’t I? We don’t easily give up on our people, do we?
Vivaciously alive for others but secluded in my mind, I had been nursing wounds nobody knew of. Except you. You heard the unsaid and saw right through my soul, even before we came close or before I realised you could.
Together, we were like a house on fire! Your confidence matched my shyness and your expression gave me wings of my own. We went through an emotional roller-coaster. We laughed, we cried, we sulked and we repented. The clean slates of our lives got painted with the brightest colours in each other’s company.
However, despite the beautiful dreams, the many promises and the innumerable precious memories we shared; what had to happen, happened. The drifting away might be unintentional but so caught up were we in the avalanche of emotions that it drowned us both and took everything of ‘us’ with it.
The undisturbed night sleep became a punishment for me, so did the sudden realisation that I had twenty four hours of my day entirely for me. I no longer woke up to a morning call or accidentally stepped on an unexpected bouquet of flowers at the door. I hoped in my heart that you went through the same.
Getting bitter and playing victim seemed like the easier thing to do, but the time we spent together was much too valuable to be disgraced by such frivolities. If you chose to close all doors that led to you, the least I could do was open my arms and welcome the prospect of finding the lost me again.
Countless seasons later, life has finally found a way to reinvent itself. That stream of my life is now water under the bridge. Neither do I try to find vague references of you in everything around me, nor does the fact that you still exist somewhere inside my heart bother me anymore.
After all, having loved and lost is better than not loving at all. Isn’t it? 🙂