“Is it really necessary for me to say the obvious? Some things are felt and understood, and stating them outright shouldn’t be important.”
These beautiful sugar-coated words were showered upon me by A the other day when I grumbled (for the nth time!) why he never says (without much coaxing) that he loves me. His logic always was, and still is, simple. We are happily married, have two lovely kids, have no worrisome financial or health issues, have a lot to look up to in life, and manage to go by most of the days without wanting to claw each other’s eyes and hair out. So, in effect, the love is implicit.
Possibly, he’s right. That is, if I think purely from the men’s angle where everything needs to be seen and done rationally. Sadly, women aren’t made like that. When it comes to work, skill or performance we can undoubtedly beat a man at his own game, but in matters of the heart we are still the soft, lovelorn, fragile and utterly adorable creatures God intended us to be. 🙂 😉 🙂
Pardon the nepotism, but I’m going to stick to the case of married women like me. Women love to be wooed, not necessarily with a bouquet of red roses and a horse carriage waiting at their doorstep to take them away to dreamland. Neither does every woman approve of her better half splurging on unnecessary expensive jewellery for her. Being romantic isn’t always limited to physical gestures.
The thing about romance is that it doesn’t essentially involve love. Confused? Let me explain. When a boy likes a girl and goes all out to woo her, it doesn’t always mean he loves her. He might’ve taken a liking for her and probably wants to spend some time with her to feel the organic magic of love or to know whether they have a future. It might or might not happen. That’s pure romance at work.
In marriages, especially Indian marriages, love develops and remains over time but romance goes out the window pretty quickly. While negotiating the many roles a girl has to assume post marriage, her individuality, preferences, likes and dislikes start getting influenced by loads of ‘outer’ factors. What she needs and craves for is an effort to make her feel special.
I agree saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t solve any of life’s problems, but try saying that to your wife once in a while and you will find the lovely smile on her face begin to erase any worries you might have at that point of time. Taking her out on a date isn’t essential, just ask her to leave all the chores for later and to come and watch television with you. Share a sweet or a chocolate with her.
Wait, A does all this. Does this mean he loves me and just doesn’t want to say it? Um, isn’t this just what he said? What am I cribbing about exactly, I seem to forget. Ha ha! 😛 😛 😀
Well, try as you may, you can’t change a person according to your liking, right? We have to find a midway. Enterprising women like me who have incredibly boring husbands can try this. Message him, call him, ping him, do whatever you can, but at least once in a day say something beautifully romantic. His reaction and reply may depend upon how much of a lost cause he is, but you will feel wonderful. 🙂