Letting it out

There are times when we begin to see even the best things in life with increasing doubt and irrelevance. There’s everything one can ask for, and yet, there’s the constant nagging feeling that something’s missing. Even the most perfect picture seems incomplete.

All this, obviously, is nothing more than a mere side-effect of excessive thinking and/or worrying. There isn’t much importance one can attach to it, and there isn’t much time or effort that one must waste over it.

Yes, I understand all this. But, for as long as this phase lasts, nothing seems right. We feel victimised, unfortunate and sidelined. This is not the result of one single thing, but a combined effect of too many wrong things happening in quick succession.

I’d decided to refrain from venting out on my blog but I have to let this out somewhere, so why not here? I know I must be happy for myself, yet, I hardly feel so. I know nothing in life goes as per our whims and wishes, but for once couldn’t God be nice to me and give me what I want?

There have been many times in the past when I’ve been disappointed and I’ve never given up. Neither will I, this time either. This constant putting-myself-through-a-test thing though is getting achingly repetitive. I can deal with stuff doesn’t mean that I should have to, right?

Have I been rash in taking decisions? Did I not think it through when I was making up my mind? Did I really expect to simply waltz through every single situation that I might surely face? Did I think of the side-effects and after-effects?

These and many more questions are bugging me day and night! Sometimes I feel like I have no right to complain since I called it upon myself. Sometimes I feel I’m fortunate to have something that people don’t easily get in their lives. And sometimes, well, I feel both at once. Confusing, yes?

I’m not trying to find any answers here. I know the answers are within me and, though I don’t dare to admit it right now, I know them already. All it will take is a mere resolve to not let myself go through this unnecessary pain and ridicule. Hope I can be myself, soon.

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